


benryxbenry

by CarrotEmoticon



Category: benry - Fandom
Genre: Benry, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:54:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29373390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarrotEmoticon/pseuds/CarrotEmoticon
Summary: benry finds love i guess
Relationships: benry/benry
Comments: 74
Kudos: 6





	1. A Meeting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JustOcelot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustOcelot/gifts).



Benry was wandering around the city when he spotted a coffee shop. It was a pretty standard one, made to look like a homey small business instead of the vast chain location it actually was. He was thirsty and tired, so he went in to get a coffee.

The first thing he noticed when he went in was that the barista looked almost exactly like him.  
‘Wow, that barista looks almost exactly like me’ he thought. Then he walked right up to the barista, skipping the line and causing one particularly tired-looking woman to curse at him. 

“Wow, you look almost exactly like me” Benry said to the barista.

“That’s because I’m an alternate universe version of you” replied the barista, ignoring his actual customer.

“Oh. Which one?” Benry said.

“I’m the evil one from the universe where everyone is evil” said the Evil Barista Benry.

“Do you have any evil plans?”

“I’m planning to seduce you so that you’ll fall in love with me, which will make everyone hate you because they’ll think you’re in love with your twin since we look so much like each other.”

“That’s very evil of you” said Benry, impressed.

“Thank you. Do you want to go on a date?” said Evil Benry, taking off his barista apron and leaving the counter. He didn’t actually work at the coffee shop. He just walked in with an apron and pretended to be an employee so that he could mess up everyone’s orders.

“No, I have a girlfriend”

“I can make you coffee.”

“No”

“I have tentacles. They’re very useful.” Evil Benry used his tentacles to snatch a donut from a customer’s hands, who then cursed at him.

“They do look very useful, but the answer’s still no” said Benry

“I’m Canadian, and if we get married you can become Canadian too. Eh” said Evil Canadian Benry.

“So is eight o’clock ok?” asked Benry.


	2. A Date

[8:00, in front of GENERIC UNNAMED COFFEE SHOP]  
[Enter BENRY]  
[Enter EVIL CANADIAN BENRY]

EVIL CANADIAN BENRY - About time you got here. I’ve been waiting since eight AM. Eh.

BENRY - Dude, I’m sorry for the mixup, but you didn’t have to stay here for twelve fucking hours!

EVIL CANADIAN BENRY - I wanted to prove my undying devotion to you, my dearest. Anyway, while I was waiting I booked a reservation at The Fanciest Restaurant in Town, which is the fanciest restaurant in this town. Eh.

BENRY - Yeah, this city sure has some weird names for its stores, huh.

[BENRY gestures at the sign for GENERIC UNNAMED COFFEE SHOP]

BENRY - I mean, Generic Unnamed Coffee Shop? Who the fuck names a cafe that?

EVIL CANADIAN BENRY - Stop complaining and follow me, sweetums. Eh.

[Exit EVIL CANADIAN BENRY]  
[Exit BENRY]  
[9:00, inside THE FANCIEST RESTAURANT IN TOWN]

BENRY - So then I said “You say dogs can’t walk under bridges but not on top of trees I say no Opposite You say Rodney that’s factually incorrect I say I’m not Rodney who the fuck are you talking too.”

[EVIL CANADIAN BENRY lets out a laugh]  
[Enter WAITRESS]

WAITRESS - Would either of you like dessert?

BENRY - No, I’m -

EVIL CANADIAN BENRY - Yes we would like dessert two chocolate sundaes one for each of us. Eh.

BENRY - I really don’t want -

EVIL CANADIAN BENRY - TWO CHOCOLATE SUNDAES. EH.

WAITRESS - I guess I’ll… get you those… then.

[Exit WAITRESS]

BENRY - Dude. What the fuck.

EVIL CANADIAN BENRY - It’ll be great! I promise. Eh.

[Enter WAITRESS]  
[WAITRESS sets down two chocolate sundaes on the table]

BENRY - Thanks.

[Exit WAITRESS]  
[EVIL CANADIAN BENRY eats his sundae. BENRY does not]

EVIL CANADIAN BENRY - Eat your goddamned sundae. Eh.

BENRY - Fuck you.

[BENRY eats his sundae]  
[BENRY bites down on something hard. He takes it out of his mouth and inspects it. It’s a plastic ring with a real diamond attached to it with hot glue.]

EVIL CANADIAN BENRY - Benry, will you marry me? Eh.

BENRY - You know what? Sure.


	3. A Marriage

It was the next day - the day of the wedding. The guests were mingling, the groom and other groom were making their last few adjustments to their marital cat ear headbands, and the ring bear was on the lookout for troublemakers.

All the guests were other versions of Benry, as they were the only people who could come on such short notice. Uhhhhhh Accountant Who is Really Cynical and Pessimistic Lol Benry was chatting with Just a Littol Creature Who Screams Into the Abiss Benry about spreadsheets. Well, Uhhhhhh Accountant Who is Really Cynical and Pessimistic Lol Benry was talking about spreadsheets. Just a Littol Creature Who Screams Into the Abiss Benry was busy screaming into the abyss, where the wedding was taking place.

Tired and Just Wants to Love and be Loved but They Dont Get Enough Attention Benry, the wedding’s officiant, walked up to the front.

“Dearly beloved,” he began, “we are gathered here today to uhhh…” he flipped through his script. “Okay look. Just get over here and I’ll marry you, okay?”

“Wait, you’re marrying them? I thought you were supposed to be the priest or whatever” Uhhhhhh Accountant Who is Really Cynical and Pessimistic Lol Benry interjected.

“While I would love that, I just meant I am getting them married'' Tired and Just Wants to Love and be Loved but They Dont Get Enough Attention Benry said. 

“Oh, that makes more sense” Uhhhhhh Accountant Who is Really Cynical and Pessimistic Lol Benry said.

Just a Littol Creature Who Screams Into the Abiss Benry continued to scream into the abyss.

That’s when the grooms came out of their dressing rooms - actually little pop-up tents. They were both wearing catmaid dresses with matching headbands, all in wedding whites. The other Benries’ eyes followed them up the aisle. Several Benries started crying - some out of joy, some out of envy.

The ring bear followed after them, fulfilling its sacred duties as protector of weddings. It stopped on its way to the front to devour one of the guests. He had been wearing a security guard uniform which was, in the bear’s opinion, not appropriate attire for such an important celebration. As that particular guest had been both uninvited and extremely annoying, nobody paid the event any mind.

At the front, Tired and Just Wants to Love and be Loved but They Dont Get Enough Attention Benry was doing the most important part of the wedding.

“Do you, Benry, take this Benry to be your lawfully wedded husband, etc., etc.?”

“I do,” said Benry.

“And do you, Evil Benry, take this Benry to be your lawfully wedded husband, etc., etc.?”

“I do, eh,” said Evil Canadian Benry.

“Uhhhhhhhh,” Tired and Just Wants to Love and be Loved but They Dont Get Enough Attention Benry awkwardly grabbed the wedding rings - a pair of plastic hallowe’en spider rings that had been spraypainted gold - from the ring bear’s bloodstained cushion and handed one to each of the Benries.

“You may now kiss the Benry!”

And as Benry leaned in for a kiss, he was sure that this union would be one to last an eternity.


	4. A Divorce

Benry lay awake in bed next to his new husband. He couldn’t believe it! He could finally fulfil his lifelong dream of becoming a Canadian citizen!

Next to him, Evil Canadian Benry shifted. “Benry, I… I have something to confess,” he whispered.

“What is it?” Benry asked.

“...I’m not actually Canadian. I just told you that so you would go out with me. I’m so sorry” said Evil Benry, quietly, like he didn’t want to hear the words he was saying either.

“I’m getting a divorce” said Benry.


End file.
